Nearly 12 years ago my eldest son was born. Despite a horrendous delivery he was an easy-going child, slept well, easily comforted, and would wait open-mouthed like a baby starling when we started him on solids.
I thought I had this parenting lark licked, wondered what all the fuss was about and why some people made such a song and dance about the challenges of child-rearing.
And then..... Then child number two arrived. Would he open his mouth to try baby rice at 6 months? Would he hell! Despite making my own weaning food, and blending every meal we had from roasts, to stroganoff to curry I ended up with the most fussy, oppositional frustrating eater ever.
I started to avoid family meals. My sister, who I love dearly, would smile and point out her own son who would gobble anything and everything put in front of him and say how it was because they had weaned him on such I wide variety of foods, while I silently seethed in the corner and watched my son serving himself the smallest portion and pushing everything around the plate.
My mother, a retired teacher, figured I wasn't being firm enough, but soon realised she was up against a stronger force than the 3 daughters she had raised.
Mealtimes at home became a battle, my husband took every refusal personally and had to be restrained from trying to force food into him, or threatening him with a stick.
Meanwhile I read book after book after book, browsed through Google as though my life depended on it. We tried food arranged into pictures on colourful plates, we tried self serving, we ensured there were no snacks to be raided from the kitchen, we tried star charts, marble jars, and no pressure techniques.
During all this time I was working as a GP, and would have patients sent to me by the health visitor when they were having feeding problems, as if having a medical degree magically gave me the answers.
This is what I wanted to say:
You're not a failure as a parent. Fussy eaters are rarely made by bad parenting, but until you've experienced it in your own family you will probably believe this.
Don't make the table a battle ground. Research has shown a lot of difficult eaters are very bright and strong individuals. Battling over food just leaves everyone exhausted, upset and no-one wins.
Get them weighed and measured regularly. If they are not dropping off their centile chart, then they're not coming to much harm. If they are see your GP for an assessment.
Don't feel like every meal you offer has to be something they don't like. We try to alternate between foods I know they like and foods they are not so keen on.
Try to have the whole family eat together and eat the same. Okay this is not always possible, but try to regularly sit together for meals, and don't fall into the trap of cooking separate meals for everyone.
Have some quick prepare foods. It's a lot harder not to lose your temper with a fussy eater if it's taken you hours to prepare the meal.
Do some cooking with your children. Baking bread and simple meals are easier than you think, and regular exposure to the textures and smells helps encourage eating.
Don't offer puddings as rewards. We don't have puddings as a regular thing anyway, but the old adage of having to clear your plate before having pudding may well be adding to our current obesity levels.
Don't expect your children to be hungry at set mealtimes. Children need to be hungry to eat, it's a basic reflex that as adults we have learnt to over-ride, perhaps to our detriment. If they are not hungry at dinner time, put the food away and offer it again later, you may be surprised.
Lastly, don't give up. My son is now nine, and although he still doesn't have the most adventurous palate, he will eat most foods served to him without too much fuss (except mushrooms-but that leaves more for me!) He's the tallest in his year, the fastest in his school and best at maths in his school.
But he still finds ways to challenge me most days, and I love him for it xxx
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